Thursday, December 1, 2011

Making me a pseudo-counselor...

When home seems to collapse any moment...while the father and the mother fight, like most of them do... over some issues specifically on money matters or the inevitable third party issues...the children will always be the direct hit here. The woebegones and hapless children don't know where and who to turn to. They tend to be combative or some tend to be melancholy aloof, reticent and indifferent. As a mom, I'd say I am not the near-perfect although  I always try to  reach out to my kids and look after them and do whatever is needed as a good mother should always be. I always tell that I was born to be a mother but not necessarily that I'd be a good wife that be. Being a wife and a mother is a hard deal. But sometimes things happened when you least expect it to happen. I want to segue way, let us not touch my life and just talk about the kids who usually end up confiding me the innermost of their feelings. They usually confide things to me and usually find solace and peace that makes me prouder than ever. The feeling is nice and fulfilling lalo na't naiihinga nila ang mga sentiments nila sa akin, I don't know why...but it made me a pseudo-counselor and I came to know different issues regarding parents in rift, or between siblings and even the bf-gf quarrel. I have this one classmate of my daughter who's a very fine mannered young lady, petite and lean...soft-spoken and so honest enough to squeal that she and her boyfriend has already been separated with just a split hairs arguement. No reason at all and the height is...the boyfriend calls for it. Very ungentlemanly enough. I told the young lady my two-cents worth and gladly she went home with a smile...and an added confidence.
There's this story naman that involves a gay dilemma. He is closeted. He only confides in me, talagang litaw pag ako ang kaharap. But when he is in front of his parents it's different that's why everybody would be in a hush hush whispering...but there's one time when a candid mom yelled, "baklaaaaa!"...the father asked the guy... "why did she call you bakla?!" ...naku galit ang ama..."papa, hindi naman po yata bakla ang sinabe"...hay naku he's very prim and proper pag kaharap ang ama, pero pag ako na kaharap...he's a faggot screaming na. One time also, when he's inside my room, I asked him, hindi ka ba nahihirapan niyan...very tago...and he went, "tita sobrang hirap nga po eh" I love the company of gays because they are livewires and can make every situation happier. Masaya silang kasama.
There are lots of situation that needs different salves...and I don't know why and how I came to be a pseudo-counselor when in fact I needed salves myself also. Maybe being a Libran, that I am somehow very impartial and I find reasons more sensible enough to apply rather than using emotions. Weighing things has put me on indecisive zone...I weigh things exactly no matter who is involved. Forgiving has always put me to a difficult situation that tests my patience to the max...most of the time I was abused and been taken for granted. But...but...when I am pushed too far...I throw my upbraids loud enough and clear enough. I have cried over a lot of times...hard enough to tear me down...but being resilient is better that skulking in one corner. Being positive and resilient is one of my best character. I used to be pessimistic and I remember one shrink has told me that I was indeed one. I still keep that note from him. What I did was...I did cure it myself...I don't want to be labeled as one. If I cry today, I make sure that after welling I'll stand up, leave my crib and play good music and browse the internet or I drive around and go to the mall. Then, voila...I am a new person again...revived...and an eager beaver again to live and breathe. That's the best way to cure and it's just easier to be happy than making your life miserable and lonely. Better and easier to smile and laugh than to smirk and drool...and be annoyed. As a person I want to be in happier note than any otherwise.

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